Andy Ewing

If you like Chuck Norris jokes and follow the current financial crisis news, then this is for you!  My personal favorites are “Chuck Norris doesn’t mark-to-market. The market marks to Chuck Norris.” and ” Chuck Norris thinks Credit Crunch is a breakfast cereal.”

• Chuck Norris can borrow at the discount window
• Chuck Norris can sell $300bln in high yield loans before lunch
• Chuck Norris’s curves are never inverted
• Chuck Norris doesn’t hedge . He waits.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t target inflation. He roundhouse-kicks it until it begs for mercy.
• The Chuck Norris dollar buys 3 Canadian dollars, and trades at parity with the euro.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t supply collateral, only collateral damage.
• The tears of Chuck Norris would supply enough liquidity to solve the credit crisis. Too bad he never cries.
• When the yield on a Chuck Norris bond goes up, the price also rises.
• Chuck Norris trades on fear and greed simultaneously.
• Alan Greenspan calls Chuck Norris “The Maestro.”
• Chuck Norris has already banked his dividend payment from Northern Rock Plc.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t borrow at the Fed’s discount window. Chuck Norris LENDS at the Fed’s discount window.
• There is no market regulator. Just a list of securities Chuck Norris allows to be traded.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t buy gold to hedge against inflation. Gold buys Chuck Norris to hedge against inflation.
• Chuck Norris charges the Bank of England a penalty rate for borrowing – And guarantees its deposits.
• Chuck Norris gets ALL of his funding from the asset-backed commercial paper market.
• Chuck Norris doesn’t mark-to-market. The market marks to Chuck Norris.
• When the U.S. economy sneezes, the world catches a cold. When Chuck Norris sneezes, the U.S. economy catches pneumonia.
• Chuck Norris thinks Credit Crunch is a breakfast cereal.
• Chuck Norris isn’t a market maker; he IS the market.
• Chuck Norris subprime collateralized debt obligations still trade at 100 percent of face value.

Thanks, BJ!